4.19.16

Since she knows I used to do wedding videography, a friend enlisted my help in finding a videographer in LA. 

Her wedding is taking place at Wright Ranch in Malibu, in the hills, and overlooks the ocean.

And all I can think about is how I had daydreamed about my would-be wedding in California somewhere. Probably NorCal.

Overlooking the ocean, while our dogs behaved and were a part of the ceremony.

And our families would fly in, and my LA friends who had become my SoCal family, would drive up for the weekend to share the day with us.

And then I shake my head and snap back to reality and I’m super helpful with advice and answering all her questions but seriously, YOU’RE KILLING ME, SMALLS.

“We are not in love. Not the way I’ve been told 
being in love feels like. But we have been sleeping beside each other for so many nights and I am the most beautiful doormat you have ever walked over.”

- Clementine von Radics, “This Is How We Lose Ourselves”

Sometimes I see a selfie post on my dash and I’m whoa how did you take that selfie? Like, you’d have to hold the camera at least 3 feet away from you, with making sure the Earth’s axis is tilted 23.5 degrees from the plane of its orbit around the sun, and I know you didn’t just use a selfie stick.

*whispers* Do you have a FRIEND?!

Control

I was outside with the dogs yesterday, and the wind was just howling.

I could feel my hair blowing around my face, and I was just picturing it flowing slo-mo like supermodel hair.

I ran around with the dogs and they were jumping and barking, and it was so much fun.

However, in reality, my hair was actually probably just limp and lifeless. For the last 5 years, I have experiencing noticeable hair loss and none of the treatments I have tried have helped.

That said, I was envisioning a whole different picture of myself, and that affected how I felt and how I interacted with the dogs.

The other day, I left the house feeling great. I thought I looked pretty - hot even - and I felt fabulous.

That confidence carried over to my interactions with people. I was smiling, I spoke loudly and clearly, I felt like someone noteworthy.

The reality of it, however, was that it was a rainy day and my hair was frizzy and poofy.

It gets so bad that I've referred to it as the "Vietfro".

I did not realize what my hair looked like until I got home and caught my reflection in the mirror.

However, that didn't matter because it was not how I chose to see myself.

If I can't even appreciate myself, what right do I have to expect others to appreciate me?

There are many things in life that we have zero control over.

However, we *do* control how we react to situations.

Why would we ever want to let that control be overtaken and overwhelmed by negativity?

I control my own happiness. And so do you.

I googled “best lingerie for petite women”

... because sometimes a lady wants to feel sexy. And so, the article said something about how you’re supposed to find lingerie that emphasizes your best features and I’m uhmmm I once ate a whole pizza by myself?

Dating is kinda like going to the shelter for a new pet

You pick from critters whose previous owners abused or neglected or didn’t want them.

The young pretty fun-looking ones are rare because that’s what most people want.

And you usually go home with a sweet looking one that maaaaaaybe ok and pray to the Gods he doesn’t shit on you and everything you hold dear.

Mo Money Mo Money Mo Money!

I don't eat out at restaurants very much anymore but when I do, I always try to tip really well.

It's not because I have money. I live in a tiny old trailer in the middle of nowhere. I don't have an oven or stove. I bake in a small convection toaster oven and I cook on hot plates.

It's not only when I have a great server either. If anything, I tip well especially when I have bad service. And it really irks me when people say stuff like, "I'm only leaving a tiny tip because our server was so bad."

See, my thinking is that servers usually have a sucky job with sucky pay where they have to suck up to people for tips. And sometimes someone just might be having a really shitty day, which naturally might affect their performance. 

Imagine what a difference it would make to receive a generous tip. It might be the thing that turns their whole outlook around. It might change how they do their job. It might completely make their day or even week.

Some people may argue that if it's someone's job to serve, they should be expected to do it and do it well. The whole if I don't do MY job, I'll get fired so why should I cut anyone else any slack?

You should do so simply because you're a decent human being. If you don't do anything to help bring about a change, nothing will change.

In a somewhat related note, I was reminded of a "Louie" episode today where Louis CK has a talk with his daughter. 

He tells her, "The only time you should look into your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

We should really treat each other better.